You may have heard, but the NHL is back on ESPN. We are very excited about this.
But, I’ll let you in on a little secret – in some ways, the NHL never left ESPN. Our Bristol, Connecticut campus, for example, is full of passionate hockey fans, always has been. I feel like it’s split between Rangers, Bruins, Devils and Islanders fans, with a smattering from the rest of the league depending on where you look. But one thing that has kept that hockey flame flickering year over year has been fantasy hockey.
But that’s many hockey fans – each year, we scratch our brains putting together mock drafts, read up on projections and try and find diamonds in the rough for our teams so we can crush our friends and hold bragging rights all the way until the next season when you do it all over again (and if you’re in a league that has a trophy, like say a fantasy hockey championship belt, that’s awesome and please tag me in a picture with it on Twitter @arda).
One thing that you don’t want to be caught doing, though, is having a terrible fantasy hockey name. Granted, it’s tough to do that, because most have some sort of redeeming quality, but there are some stinkers out there (in fact, there will certainly be stinkers on my list, at least to some people… keep reading).
Some of us are inherently creative and can think of a dozen fantasy hockey names on the fly. Others need inspiration. For that, I decided to go to the perfect person at ESPN to ask.
What goes into a banger fantasy team name?
For this answer I consulted Matthew Berry, who knows a thing or two or seven hundred about fantasy sports, teams and naming your team. He says there are two main categories that make your team names pop: puns, and digs at your opponents. Puns are easy (especially if you’re a parent). Take a team name, player name, something that relates to anything hockey or pop culture and make it a play on words, something that rhymes, something like that. Pavel Brendl Clark, for example. (Bonus points from me for the deep cut references).
So, without further ado, some team names to get your creative juices flowing.. if you take one from this list and use it for your team this season, please tag me on the socials so I can share in this joy! Some of these might be longer than your team name allows so feel free to shorten them or use them as inspiration for another name:
Alexander No-Kvechin
Kuzy’s Doozies
Shut your 5 hole
NHL 94 > 95
Kraken a cold one
Maple Leaves after 1st rd
Mario LeMeilleure Que Vous
Kessel’s HotDogs
The #1 Bullsh*ts
Flat belly Celly
Nasher Nation
Petey’s Marbles
Frank Bathe fans
Extra strength Antti Laaksonen
McJesus
My son’s also named YzeBort
Gordie Howe will I win
Jacked Laidlaws
Eddie Lack of Awareness
Sergei says…. Federov
Greg Krushelwyshynski
Chicken Parm for Colby Arm…. Strong
Bunch of Jerks Leclerc
John LeClair’s Eclairs
Kyle Dubask in my glory
Cicarelli flat belly Celly
Jyoooooooo Sakic
Jason LaBarbera Streisand
I don’t think you’re ready for Pacioretti (… or this Chelly)
Fleury’s sword
The Allan Walsh Project
Letterkenny’s noregretzkys
Puck soup uwe krupp
Don’t have a cowprizov
Cheugy Hamilton
InstaDirkGraham
That’s Gotta Be (Patrick) Kane!
Toews catchin Woews
Chicago Made Punk
Lundqvist’s jawline
Owen By The Power of Greyskull
Hughes Clues
The New York Saints (… or Islanders, bonus if you get the reference)
Ryan Reaves KO Tom Wilson
Byfuglien’s Muffins
Bag skate
The tape forgetters
Smallest LaViolette
Landeskog in the wheel
The Turkish Delights (… actually don’t use that, because I will)
Blake Underline Bolden Italic
Times new Roman Hamrlik
Game of Stromes
Ted Lasso’s Aho Radek Fakso Aho
Stranger Stanley Cup Rings
Igor Shestwerkin
Breaking Newsy Lalonde