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Alaina Getzenberg, ESPN
ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. — The butterflies aren’t something that Damar Hamlin anticipates going away. And they aren’t new either.
When Hamlin was younger, he would get very nervous before games, so much so that he wouldn’t be able to do anything else. His dad, Mario, told him that it was a good thing to be nervous. “‘You know that mean you care. That mean you ready,'” Damar Hamlin recalled his father saying.
The Buffalo Bills‘ preseason opener against the Indianapolis Colts, a 23-19 victory Saturday, marked the 25-year-old’s first football game since suffering cardiac arrest during a regular-season matchup against the Cincinnati Bengals on Jan. 2.
Hamlin said that the first hit — which came on the second of back-to-back blitzes in which he made the final tackle on running back Evan Hull on a fourth-and-1 play in the middle of the first quarter to get the ball back to the Bills’ offense — took a little weight off his shoulders.
But the nervous butterfly feeling before that first hit takes place in a game, which he described as universal for athletes, is something he expects to remain.
“When I’m feeling those nerves and I’m feeling those emotions, it just means I, it means I love, I really love this,” Hamlin said, whose first play back was a kickoff. “I love this, like, I want to be here. I want to play, I want to do good. I want to be one of the greats. I want to be remembered as somebody who, you know, stood for something and who made a difference when I was out there on the field.”
Hamlin said he was able to manage his emotions going into the game through his preparation, doing extra work during the week, including extra tackling, but on the field, he played without hesitation, saying, “You put yourself at risk by hesitating.” He said he was feeling the emotions of his return all at once during the day, but that he has people around him who have helped his mindset.
Hamlin, who has been a full participant at practice since early June during OTAs, played both special teams and safety in his first game back with 20 defensive snaps on the second-team defense and four special teams snaps (about one quarter of play in total). He didn’t exactly have a quiet return to game action. The third-year safety recorded three tackles in the game, each met with a loud cheer from the crowd when his name was announced in the stadium.
His return, which Hamlin described as “another milestone” and a “step in the right direction,” was hailed by head coach Sean McDermott as “remarkable.”
“It’s a true sign of a young man’s courage and obviously everyone who helped him get to this point,” McDermott said. “I know there was a football game going on out there today, but I mean truly remarkable display of courage and strength and faith. I had a chance to communicate with Damar a little bit last night, and he assured me he was ready to go. So, he trusts his preparation and God. I think that shows a lot about who he is.”
McDermott said that the meeting with Hamlin on Friday night was to check in with him and to emphasize the support that he has and that there was no pressure from McDermott to play in the game. Throughout Hamlin’s return, the team has emphasized to Hamlin and publicly that it is going to go at his pace from both a mental and physical perspective.
Extra caution still remains, however, from those who care for him with McDermott, who had his first game as the Bills’ defensive playcaller, taking advantage of a brief thunderstorm delay to the pregame warmups to talk to the team doctors and make sure there would be eyes on Hamlin.
“I was just kind of sitting near [the doctors], I said, ‘Hey, you’re going to watch him, right? Extra close today.’ They assured that they would,” McDermott said. “It’s hard for me to do that. I certainly watch him when I can, but I know he’s in good hands with those docs, as well.”
Hamlin was ready to go and easy to spot throughout the game with his red arm band and gloves on a day that he described as “super fun,” but he acknowledged the plethora of emotions that he felt and continues to feel. He made a guest appearance early in the game, running from the sideline to celebrate with his longtime friend from the Pittsburgh area and former Pitt teammate, cornerback Dane Jackson, when Jackson caught an interception on the first defensive series of the game.
“It was great to see him back out there,” Jackson said.
While there were requests in for Hamlin’s jersey after the game, including from former Bills wide receiver Isaiah McKenzie, this one had to go to his mom, Nina, who was in the stands. Hamlin described her as “my backbone my entire life,” while his dad, Mario, and 8-year-old brother, Damir, were back home at Damir’s football game with Mario coaching. Damar Hamlin checked in during his own game to see how his brother’s Sto-Rox Little Vikings football team, was doing — it also won, 7-0.
Up next for Hamlin is a preseason game in his hometown against the Steelers next Saturday, but before he gets to that, the next milestone is pretty simple: “Practice tomorrow.”